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Was George Washington A Cannibal?

August 25, 2014

In the time of the revolutionary war there was a particularly cruel and cold winter, during which the hardened soldiers under Washington’s command found themselves without supplies. As a result they were forced to commit the unspeakable and consumed their deceased comrades in order to survive.

Washington developed a taste for human flesh within this period and after the insufferable winter was ended he graduated from the flesh of dead soldiers to the flesh of any warm blooded person who happened to be available for butchery.

Upholding a particular fondness for children and virgins, he practiced cannibalism quite openly until the end of his days. In fact, all of the founding fathers shared the pleasure of devouring the flesh of man as per Washington’s lead.

History has carved the mask of George Washington in such a way that is superficially appropriate for the “Father” of an entire country. The true extent of his despicable past has been deeply buried but not entirely forgotten. There is an elite group of individuals who maintain and celebrate Washington’s practices of cannibalism as well as, in private, his style of revolutionary period dress including immaculately preserved powdered wigs. They are so fanatical that they even have their healthy teeth removed so that they can be more like him, wearing dentures of dreadfully stained ivory. (His dentures were never made of wood)

They call themselves Washingtonians and they have eyes and ears everywhere. If anyone is found to be in a position of exposing their idol by way of bringing to light genuine evidence of his dark past they are sworn to eliminate the threat by any means necessary.

Indeed, having published this information, it is likely they are coming for me right now…


The grotesque mythology that inspired the paragraphs above is indeed ENTIRELY fictitious.


It was created by Bentley Little in a short story called “The Washingtonians” which was first published in 1992.

I first encountered this story in its film adaptation from the Masters Of Horror series which aired on Showtime between 2005 and 2007.

I found it to be one of the more entertaining and pleasantly surprising films in the series because on the surface the plot looks quite ridiculous but the director manages to pull it off.

After I watched the film I went looking for the story that it was adapted from. The story has most of the elements of the film but they’re elaborated on, in order to create an hour long screen play. I think it is more effective visually personally but I’m still one of those people who likes to read the book and watch the film for comparison’s sake.

The thing that I found particuarly interesting in the book which contained the story is that the author wrote a little introduction stating that he wrote the Washingtonians in response to his perception of media during the Gulf war.

Basically, he was very surprised at peoples docile acceptance of the amount of information that didn’t make it to the televisions and news papers of the world as so many innocent lives were lost in crossfire and were never fairly represented to the rest of the human race.

It was written in response to how history is controlled, manipulated, documented and portrayed. And he presents the question of “What if all of our history is like that”.

It reminded me that we all take far too many historical “facts” for granted. Science produces facts. History is biased and documented (mostly) by the winners of religious and political disputes. It is heavily edited and just like anything else, is watered down with each year that passes in duplication and retelling.

So if you take anything away from this small article just let it serve as a reminder to you as well to take everything you read and hear with a grain of salt.

Also, make a point to someday watch The Washingtonians if it sounds like the sort of film you would enjoy!


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From → Ramblings

  1. Steve permalink

    Watching “The Washingtonians” as I leave this reply. What if this were true? How would people react? What would people think or do? It’s a very interesting idea and concept. What if YOU were the person who doing proof to something so vile in our countries history? Would you expose it or hide it?

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